19 days ago, Sarah and I walked in to Wisconsin Fertility Institute to be inseminated. It was the most amazing day! We sat in the waiting room with excitement and anticipation as we awaited our sperm to thaw! We giggled at just how funny, and clinical, the situation was but above all that, we were so excited to finally be on our way, to growing our family.
After about 45 minutes, the nurse finally called us back, and we excitedly made our way in to the little room, where we were asked a bunch of questions to which we knew few of the answers (we’re not exactly over-informers). But mostly, because we didn’t know we had to understand things like sperm counts, and swimming directions, ect. We’re two women! What do we truly know about sperm?! We were blissfully naive to the entire process.
As the nurse left, and Sarah undressed, we nervously exchanged some banter. This was it! We were going to try to make a baby! Our doctor helped to lighten the mood as she came barging in, sperm in hand, waving it around as if it were some Greek God of procreation! (I was secretly hoping that was in fact the case).
Within minutes, Sarah was inseminated, and I cried. Big uncontrollable tears. I was so happy! Sarah was so happy! We spent some time in the room together just kind of relishing in the moment and then she dressed, and we walked out…full of sperm.
Still elated, I dragged Sarah around the building to take a selfie, then proceeded to send said-selfie to anyone I could think of that would care. I’ve never been one to keep hush when I’m excited. It’s the reason Sarah opens up Christmas presents in November and why I’m not allowed to be around secret information especially when I drink. IT JUST BLURTS OUT!
We had an hour and a half drive home so we mostly talked about things like gender and how I thought she should be the passenger sitting upside down to help the sperm swim the right way. You know, normal things. And for the next two weeks, everything became about protecting her egg. Spazzo moms. That was definitely us.
And then, just 13 days after that initial appointment, Sarah peed out a positive pregnancy result (a few times actually) and the tears of sheer jubilation just ran out again! First try. Pregnant. How did we get so lucky?!
Remember, above, when we really knew nothing other than a sperm fertilizes an egg and 9 months later we get a baby? Well, having a little more information probably would have helped us feel less blindsided when the words “your levels didn’t double” were uttered. What does that even mean? And so what? Sarah’s small. Maybe the baby is small!
I guess it doesn’t work like that.
Our pregnancy test didn’t lie. Sarah was in fact, pregnant, for a very brief moment in time. At least according to the hormones in her body…and my private Pinterest “Baby A #2” board and the 6 baby apps between the two of us. Unfortunately, while insemination happened…the egg wasn’t so lucky and didn’t survive long past that moment. Sarah and I now know more now about hCG levels than we ever thought we would (or needed to). And in all honesty, it feels nice to be a bit more informed on the things to consider when going through this process. And while we’re sad, we realize that there are downfalls to finding out IMMEDIATELY that you’re pregnant. Occasionally, it’s just too early to start planning. And this next time around, I’m hoping I’ll be able to take a few breathers, and just relax while we await our levels to increase…before jumping on the horn to tell the world.